First Things First ...

You can finish this line with either J. Cole's line, or Iggy Azalea's (no judgement here) ...

Anyway, I guess it's only normal that my first blog post starts with me introducing myself.

Let's get to it!

Hi!

My name is Cristine (yes, without an "H"). I am a twenty-something year-old born and raised in Canada. Some would say my spirit animal is a chihuahua given my small stature and loud disruptive presence. Rest assured, the "puppy Hulk" in me only surfaces within reason. Let me explain.

For most of my childhood and adolescence, shyness dominated my life. I remember having major anxiety when being faced with the task of talking to people; stating my order to the McDonald's cashier, having to speak to customer service on the phone for my parents, being called out in class to answer a question ... Later in life, I've come to realize that being a reserved non-confrontational individual, served me no benefit. It, in fact, caused me more harm. I took in a lot of BS and jeopardized my values and peace of mind to please others.

All of that changed on March 1st, 2019 when my biggest fear occurred.

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At the time, I had been a nurse for two years. I was working night shift on an internal medicine unit. It is no news that graveyard shift workers catch up on shut-eye on their breaks. That's what I did.

Upon hearing my alarm go off, I become temporarily disoriented to place and time. As my RAS (aka reticular activating system) in my brain slowly woke up as well, I notice a missed call on my phone: it was my cousin in the Philippines. Side note: My mother had gone to the Philippines due to a family emergency. Two days prior to her flight back home, she had severe nausea and vomiting that led her to go to the ER abroad.

I called back immediately, hoping to hear some good news. "Hey ading (younger sibling), your mom is feeling better, she should be able to catch her plane back." Instead, this is how the conversation went down.

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Me: "Hey manang (older sister), what's up?"

Cousin: "Hey ading, I think it's better if you speak to the neurologist. Here he is."

It was at that moment my heart sank.

Neurologist: "Hello Cristine, after your mom's endoscopy results came out normal, we proceeded to do a scan of her head. We found a 7x10cm brain tumor on the posterior left side. She will most likely require surgery. Is there any way for you to come here?"

Me: -internally- "What the f..." as I am on the brink of tears -externally- "Can the surgery not wait until she is back in Canada? Can she have clearance to fly if she is accompanied?"

Neurologist: "I'm afraid not. She appears very ill. It is better to do the surgery ASAP."

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After the phone call, my world shattered to pieces. As I started to sob uncontrollably near the end of my shift, my colleagues began to ask if I was okay. I then shared the news I had just received. My number one priority became: bring mom back home.

Once my shift ended, the first thing I did was book a flight to the motherland. I notified my boss, human resources and friends and family of my indefinite leave of absence. Two days later, I reached my mother's bedside. What a young naive Cristine thought would be a straightforward "rescue-and-retrieve-mom" mission became a month-long journey of sleepless turmoil that had challenged my thoughts on family, love, health, life and death.

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And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the backstory of "Chihuahua Cristine" (haha!).

Five years later, this remains the chapter of my life that has shaped the Cristine of today. It's the Cristine that is no longer afraid to speak her mind. It's the Cristine that no longer tolerates BS and chooses to side with what is right and fair. It's the Cristine that, despite her hard-headedness at times, recollects herself and empathizes with both sides of the story. It's the Cristine that wears her voice loud and proud, and hopes that this platform enables us all to hear, to see and to understand each other wholeheartedly.

Until next time!

Cristine